Wednesday, September 15, 2010

#1 Money


Whereas other groups of people may take pride in proclaiming that, “they are beyond money” or “money is not the cause of my happiness”, that bug is yet to hit the African continent. Africans have an unrestrained love of money and equate it’s pursuit and attainment with happiness.
That is the reason why African mothers choose the University paths for their children the moment you come out of the womb: That path will lead to a great career as a pilot/lawyer/doctor/businessman/insert wealthy professional here. It’s just being smart: if the child ends up rich, then they will be able to brag to all their friends while they see out their retirement years in style.
Africans unashamedly look down upon manual and blue collar professions which tend to be the fort of the African poor and throw confetti and roll out red carpets anytime they are in the presence of wealth.
The key to how to handle this situation depends on at what stage of the socio-economic ladder the African is at:
a) If they’re poor or up and comers, empathize with them and the struggles they have to go through just to “hustle and make that paper, when the world keeps trying to bring them down.” At this stage it’s usually OK for you to pay for everything as the African will probably have a few holes in his pocket through which all their money escaped.
b) If they have any form of wealth, be sure to be the number one fan of all their displays of material wealth (refer to the article on Degrees for more guidance). Their plasma TV, their overpriced car, their expensive-but-Dear-sweetness-is-that-a-bird-nest-on-their-head hairdo amongst other things.
In addition to that, don’t discuss new age ideas like, “money isn’t the root of all happiness,” or “you don’t need money to live well,” to Africans. They will begin to get concerned about the state of your mental health.
There is much more to be said about the African relationship with money, but that is for another day and another edition of Stuff African People Like.

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